If you know me, you know I am possibly the most awkward person to ever get sexy with. I'm really good at being- everydudeIevermeet's little sister - but I'm not so good at first kisses. The road to first base for me is like a 400m race but with hurdles and ditches full of sand (hot burning sand) and maybe some Vulcan the Gladiator action making sure I never ever get there. Do you remember Vulcan? His theme song was 'Boom, shake shake shake the room' and therefore he was awesome.
Usually when I like a boy which is rare I do as much as possible to ruin any chance of being with them. I order more food than them insulting their manhood. I scream when they try touch me on escalators (escalator loving is not cool). I shake their hand when they try hold my hand. I put pillows over my head when they share my bed. I just don't make it easy. Why? i don't know, i'm born with a severe case of nerves and frigidness.
Enter Justin. He has been a good sport and is letting me use his real name! Justin is the boy of my dreams. He is a dark sort of sunny and hails from San Francisco but has recently moved to New York to take up a job at a magazine in New York. I'm glad he moved to the east coast because hopefully he will lose some of his optimism and this will make him even more of a catch. Note: Brooding - also very cool. JP was sent to London to learn all there is to know about a new project this international magazine is currently involved with. Excuse my crypticisms but i've been sworn to secrecy. Lucky for me, sworn to secrecy in the sexiest way possible with his lucious finger placed on my mouth and telling me to hush. Unlucky for him, i'm currently blogging about it to the world.
I met Justin over a group dinner. I did my best to pretend he did not exist all in an attempt to make me seem aloof and too busy to notice there was someone at this group dinner I did not know. The boy came over here with no accommodation (im always told there is no money in magazines) and has been hopping from spare couch to spare room through people he knew and occasionally just met. One night, Justin asked if he could stay at mine because he was meeting friends in the area and it would be easier to crash close-by after the bastard tube closes. Umm yeah whatever excuses you need to suggest is fine with me.. im obviously the. beneficiary in this deal. I didn't offer because i live in an awesomelly (i know that's not how you spell awesomely but it makes it say my name) located flat but my room is more prison cell than a room. I explained my bed is tiny and as long as he didnt feel awkward it was cool. He didn't care. So recap of how cool we both were at this stage: I was cool that he was going to stay. He was cool my bed was small. So we were both generally winning in terms of cool. Got it?
I was home all night writing and learning how to microwave soup in the container that Marks and Spencer provide (did you guys know that?!) and Justin boozeface buzzed me and my heart raced a million miles because honestly- this boy is Cah-UTE and now he was walking up my stairs under the influence and could possibly kiss me!! I opened my front door, he came in and grabbed my head and smoooshed it into his chest. He is tall and I am small: it was awesome chest hugging chemistry.
He came into my room and commented how spacious it is. Oh shit, he is funny too! I laughed more than was necessary, he took off his shirt and laid himself over my entire bed. I pretended not to be in awe of how lean and long his muscles were. I thought i was well over hipsters but his skinny jeans made his lower back look AWESOME (that 'awesome', was for my Manchestarian Cat). I continued to write at my desk (girls got deadlines) and occasionally asked him about his night. He was intoxi-fantastic and mumbled some shit about some people i didn't know and therefore didn't find interesting. He told me to come to bed. Like a new puppy, i didn't obey. But my god, did i want to! Then i was forced to sit there and pretend to keep working until he asked me again, (this time more aggressively) and then I pretended like I really wasn't ready to find a nook to sleep in... but yeah i was nicely perched on his right before he realised.
The boy was dishevelled and smelt like cigarettes, he could not have smelt sweeter to me. I watched him for a bit and i thank all those gods up there (buddha, you too) that he didn't open his eyes because my giant eyes lurking his finely formed face would be an awfully scary sight for him in pseudo-slumber state. He started playing with my hair at the nape of my neck. He told me, he thought I was weird. (don't be offended for me, it happens all the time). I asked him to rub my belly because it helps me sleep (which it does, i wasnt being a slut). He obliged, but that probably didn't help lessen my weirdness. Then he huskily giggled and lifted himself above me and almost collapsed on me to kiss me. I put my hand up on his chest to stop him and turned to the wall and went to bed. He said he was sorry, I said nothing and we both 'went to bed.' I'm not sure if he did, but I was there for hours thinking UM WHAT THE FUCK -YOU ARE A FOOL MELISSA! and i only call myself melissa in my head when i am super unhappy with myself.
Yeah biggest anti climax ever huh? When i woke up, Justin was still there (i was almost upset I didn't dream him) but he was asleep so I left him and made my way to work... eurghh im a fuck up.
TBC - more shit happened!