Have you ever crushed on a homeless man? I'm not talking about an ironic hipster with store bought homeless steez - im talking run-of-the-mill, i sleep on the street, collect coins in a cup , eat from a can and sometimes have a cute dog to guilt you into giving me an extra couple of $$ type of man.
Last year just before leaving london to go back to the states I gave a homeless man all the coins in my wallet (purse, for you dignified folk). He said thank you and as i turned to walk away his friend asked him how much he would rate me out of ten.
homeless man: 2 and a half
I immediately thought ok that must be out of 5. But before i could turn to clarify they did it for me
homeless man's friend: out of 10?
homeless man: yer.
Was it my hangover? or that i was rushing to making my flight? was it the fact i had been sporting the same coat for two weeks straight? what a hypocritter, he has probably been sporting that coat for the last decade. Anyways, i was offended for about 30 minutes and when the blood rushed out of my cheeks i found it quite amusing. Only homeless men can get away with rating girls so arbitrarily, take note other boys. do not try this at home. i told my friends, suggesting it was the ultimate backhanded compliment although the rightly highlighted there was no hidden compliment lurking there..
Anyhow, water under the bridge. When i moved to London this year, i alighted at old st tube to meet a friend for vietnamese (can you say salt&pepper squid?!!! i can but not in vietnamese) and i dropped a few coins in my old friend's cup.
homeless man: thank you. 3 and a half out of ten.
Seriously, 3.5? I looked at him square in his moppy locks. Fuck. i would have given him atleast 6 after a scrub down. Lucky he divulged first or it could have really put our chemisty off kilter. as i walked away i was strangely delighted that I had risen one point and was excited for my next ranking... i would like to know if he does this for anyone else? or is it purely our cheeky little love game?
Did this scale take into account inflation? not too sure. I like to think i'm getting better with age. like a nice block of cheese. blue cheese. nom.